Why the “Secretary Kim?” became the hottest Korean movie ever

The passion for the movie “What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim” is real. This movie is not only funny and light, but also a creative, deep romantic comedy set in the office.

Park Min Young’s ponytail and Park Seo Joon’s naked shower scene in the movie caught the eye, but there are also eight unique reasons why viewers love the movie.

Parents do not conflict in the affair of the children

Most viewers do not like to watch the series in which the protagonist’s parents often oppose their love relationships and the series has so many unnecessary conflicts that can make viewers tired and bored.

 However, “Kim’s secretary is different, in the regular Korean TV series, there must be 10 episodes that” eats “the audience’s time with conflicts, the violent protests of their parents. about the relationship of the main character. But Lee Young Joon’s parents suggested Kim Mi So’s secretary come to his son.

It is rare to see the parents of a “chaebol” (tycoon) accepting a woman who only knows about her future daughter-in-law. So what is their only anxiety? No grandchildren. So are the viewers happy to watch movies that have parents like parents who will not make it difficult for the children of Lee Young Joon?

Witty dialogue, humor

The reason for that

Undeniably Park Seo Joon and Park Min Young have had interesting chemical interaction that makes the dialogue so witty and lively. Although Lee Young Joon’s Vice-President is always complacent and arrogant, Park Seo Joon has embodied himself in such a way that he can show off his “look” and ” dom.

The reason for that

Kim’s secretary indirectly through the boss to praise and thank himself also makes viewers enjoy. If you are a K-pop fan, you will also find this segment quite familiar, because Big Bang’s youngest brother – Seungri has also indirectly through YG to thank himself.

Strong heroine, know the value of yourself

The reason for that

Kim Mi So’s secretary is not a detective character, anonymous superhero, lawyer or doctor like other dramas. It’s not because we do not love those jobs, but it’s fascinating to see a woman confident in a career as a secretary.

The reason for that

She is always confident with herself and her work. Kim Mi So is aware of the value of himself and does not rely on anyone to do anything. She knows exactly what she wants, and does not hesitate to ask what is worthy of herself.

Friendship is admirable

The reason for that

It is no exaggeration to say that Lee Young Joon’s best friend is Kang Ki Young (Park Yoo Sik). Lee Young Joon is so cruel that audiences do not know whether to keep smiling or being embarrassed for Park Yoo Sik.

In return, Park Yoo Sik is still sarcastic, calling Young Joon “the boss” and giving helpful advice about the relationship that Young Joon is misunderstanding. Yoo Sik is extremely honest and always knows how to motivate his close friend Yong Joon in relation to Kim’s secretary. It can be said, he is a perfect ideal friend, rare fun in Korean movies that always have useful and practical advice. Everyone wants to have a lovely friend like Park Yoo Sik.

These “conspiracies” suddenly and quickly

The reason for that

In the first episode, Kim’s secretary resumes his dismissal and the story develops rapidly through the development of the relationship between Lee Young Joon and Kim Mi So.

When Young Joon thought of Kim Mi So’s resignation application and what her 9 years of work meant to him, their relationship immediately had a big turning point.

Cute drawings and sound effects

In addition to the characters in the movie, audiences are also extremely interested in the use of drawings and sound effects in the film. Lee Young Joon’s self-deprecating drawings made it even more laughable for his “sale of work” interviews with Yoo Sik. Similarly, sound effects also increase Mi So’s competitiveness and dignity.

Mysterious dreams and childhood events

The reason for that

Young Joon hates women, but Mi So is the only exception. His nightmares and reactions to waking up show that he is still a lonely, sensitive boy who never gets the love and security he needs.

In addition, Young Joon was not the only one who had mysterious dreams and childhood memories. Recurring nightmares are linked in one way or another so that viewers gain a deeper insight into the character’s mental state and personality.

Lee Young Joon’s humorous attempts at romance

The reason for that

 

See more

It’s fun to see how young Joon is so simple and so sweet when Mi So understands the intent of the Vice President, though he is complacent, gruff and rude.

Young Joon’s gifts were so unexpected and unique that the audience kept wondering what he would do nex

‘Her’ plays the villain Joker in his own movie

According to THR , Joaquin Phoenix has completed the negotiation process with Warner Bros.. to play the villain “Joker” in the movie about the origin of this clown.

Joaquin is considered one of the most talented Hollywood actors, best known for her classic films , Her, The Master, Walk the Line. The film will be directed by Todd Phillips ( The Hangover ), written by Scott Silver and produced by Oscar-winning filmmaker Martin Scorsese.

Previously, actor Leonardo DiCaprio was considered in the role of Joker but later he withdrew from the project. Phillips said that Phoenix was the best choice.

Tai tu 'Her' plays the role of Joker in the drama series 1
Amateur movies Her – Joaquin Phoenix plays the Joker in the new film.

This is the first role for the comic adaptation of Joaquin Phoenix. Prior to this, he had no affair with Marvel Studios in joining the blockbuster movie universe.

In 2010, Joaquin Phoenix was also considered to play Hulk in the Avengers and as Doctor Strange in the 2016 film but failed. Not only that, Phoenix has rejected the role of villain Lex Luthor in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016).

The Joker movie will be set in the 1980s in Gotham City and not in the DC Universe of Cinema (DCEU). The project was made by Warner Bros. “Turn green light” from mid-2017, will carry more criminal colors than super heroes.

See more

zmovies

losmovies

solarmovie the flash

Tai tu 'Her' plays the role of Joker in the movie 2
The Joker will revolve around the circus villain and bring psychological, criminal rather than superhero movie.

Although Joker’s performance in   Jared Leto’s Suicide Squad was mixed , Warner Bros. is determined to make a personal film about this character.

If nothing changes, the Joker  movie project  will start shooting in September with a production budget of $ 55 million. Joker’s own movie is in the plan to build and expand the DC movie universe in a variety of ways. One of them is to exploit the villains – half prominent and in opposition to their superheroes.

The Joker  will open the door and link many stories to other villains. At the same time, it will also emphasize Joker’s role in the DC Universe that Warner wants to perform in the future.

Tai tu 'Her' plays the role of Joker in the movie 3
The Joker will be a big challenge for Joaquin to get over the shadows of those who have played the role before.

Joker’s role is not a big challenge for Joaquin Phoenix though no one doubts his ability to act. Because of this, Joker’s role has been successfully portrayed by Jack Nicholson in Batman , Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight and most recently a breakthrough Joker played by Jared Leto in Suicide Squad.

In particular, Jared Leto will return as Joker in the sequel to Suicide Squadand Joker / Harley Quinn’s own movie directed by Glenn Ficarra. John Requa (Crazy Stupid Love).

In contrast to “Quynh Bup Bê”, the wave movie has a very serious family content

The news of Quynh Bau Bo officially ceased broadcasting on VTV1 is still the focus of TV viewers. According to representatives of Vietnam Television and VFC, the movie “No Happiness at the End of the Road” will be broadcasted by Quynh Bup Bong on VTV1, at 20:50 on Thursdays and Fridays.

In contrast to Quỳnh Búp Bê, the wave film has serious family content - Photo 1.

A scene in the movie “Happiness Is not at the End of the Road”

Happiness at the end of the path is the journey of seeking the happiness of the people who live in the transition. Together through many ups and downs of life, subjected to the impact of a Vietnamese society is moving from the end of the subsidy to the market economy, through the ups and downs, finally the characters in the film have realized that happiness is not the destination but the moment they come.

See more

The 33-episode drama, which was aired on VTV in 2014. Thus, the wave solution of the radio station at the moment is a film almost the opposite of Quynh Bep Bê: one side is the subject of the commune face-to-face and sensitive, and the other is a serious film about family. Happiness at the End of the Road is also the first film of the revelation of NSND Khai Hung in the role of director. The film has the participation of actors Kieu Anh, Hong Quang, Kieu …

In contrast to Quỳnh Búp Bê, the wave film has a serious family content - Photo 2.

Special connection between Infinity War and Age of Ultron

Social Network Reddit deserves the best eyeglasses community when it comes to detecting hidden movie scenes that require excellent memory to be able to re-record. Recently, a resident of Reddit pointed to a connection between two Avengers: Age of Ultron and Avengers: Infinity War, involving the existence of infinity stones and power. their destruction. In “Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)”, Thor said, “I’ve seen a vision, a whirlpool that aspires to all life and is in the middle of it. Stone *. ” Watch movies on zmovies very good!

At this point, we realize that the whirlpool Thor has suggested suggests the Infinity Gaunlet of Thanos wearing the Avengers: Infinity War. Remember the Mind Stone is the sixth infinity stone collected by Titan during the battle in Wakanda. He put it solemnly in the center of his infinity glove. The prophecy came true when Thanos flicked his hands halfway across the universe.

Special connection between Infinity War and Age of Ultron
Special connection between Infinity War and Age of Ultron

The more thought to be found, the more important Mind Stone is in Thanos’s plan. In Age of Ultron, it exerts its power as a supercomputer. With the resonance of the remaining stones, Thanos can easily wipe out half of the universe “randomly” without having to think about it. Specifically, Power Stone is used to promote the energy of the remaining stones.

Space Stone allows the influence of the “flick of the hand” to cover the entire universe. The Soul Stone accurately determines the population measured by the soul. The Soul Stone is the number of souls that Soul Stone has counted, randomly selecting half of them for “flying colors”. Time stones ensure the strength of a snap shot is made at the same time. Finally, the Reality Stone transforms the bad guys into dust. Let’s see if the other superheroes will deal with this harsh reality in how the Avengers 4 is set to launch on May 3, 2018.

10 Ridiculous ‘Knock Knock’ Jokes That’ll Get You A Laugh On Demand

10 Ridiculous ‘Knock Knock’ Jokes That’ll Get You A Laugh On Demand

1. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cow says.

Cow says who?

No, a cow says mooooo!

2. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

A little old lady.

A little old lady who?

All this time, I had no idea you could yodel.

Knock Knock Jokes

3. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Europe.

Europe who?

No I’m not!

4. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Etch.

Etch who?

Bless you, friend.

5. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Robin.

Robin who?

Robin you, now hand over the cash.

10 Ridiculous ‘Knock Knock’ Jokes That’ll Get You A Laugh On Demand
10 Ridiculous ‘Knock Knock’ Jokes That’ll Get You A Laugh On Demand

6. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cash.

Cash who?

No thanks, I’ll have some peanuts.

7. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Mustache.

Mustache who?

I mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.

Knock Knock Jokes Hatchoo

8. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Tank.

Tank who?

You’re welcome.

9. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

I smell mop.

I smell mop who?

Ew.

10. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

I eat mop.

I eat mop who?

That’s revolting.

Best Jokes for Your Kids

Best Jokes for Your Kids. Kids are natural comedians so why not encourage them to get punny with these kid-approved quips that require little to no explanation from parents. Just don’t be surprised when the comedy sketch goes beyond today! Scroll down for our silliest and corniest jokes yet.

1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore!

2. What is fast, loud and crunchy?

A rocket chip!

3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed.

4. What has ears but cannot hear?

A cornfield.

5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells!

6. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Frost bite!

7. What did one plate say to the other plate?

Dinner is on me!

8. Why did the student eat his homework?

Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

9. When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?

Because when you find it, you stop looking.

10. What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on vacation.

11. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?

Dill with it.

12. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?

That hit the spot!

13. Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

14. How does a vampire start a letter?

Tomb it may concern…

15. What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?

R2 detour.

16. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?

You rocket!

17. Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7, 8, 9

18. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling!

19. When does a joke become a “dad” joke?

When the punchline is a parent.

20. How do you make a lemon drop?

Just let it fall.

21. What did the limestone say to the geologist?

Don’t take me for granite!

22. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?

A wise quacker.

Best Jokes for Your Kids
Best Jokes for Your Kids

23. Why does a seagull fly over the sea?

Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.

24. What kind of water cannot freeze?

Hot water.

25. What kind of tree fits in your hand?

A palm tree!

26. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because he felt crummy.

27. Why was the baby strawberry crying?

Because her mom and dad were in a jam.

28, What did the little corn say to the mama corn?

Where is pop corn?

29. What is worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis!

30. How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?

About a buck an ear.

31. Where would you find an elephant?

The same place as you lost her!

32. How do you talk to a giant?

Use big words!

33. What animal is always at a baseball game?

A bat.

34. What falls in winter but never gets hurt?

Snow!

35. What do you call a ghost’s true love?

His ghoul-friend.

36. What building in New York has the most stories?

The public library!

37. What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you!

38. How do we know that the ocean is friendly?

It waves!

39. What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?

Twister!

40. How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

41. How do you get a squirrel to like you?

Act like a nut!

42. What do you call two birds in love?

Tweethearts!

43. How does a scientist freshen her breath?

With experi-mints!

44. How are false teeth like stars?

They come out at night!

45. How can you tell a vampire has a cold?

She starts coffin.

46. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm.

47. What is a computer’s favorite snack?

Computer chips!!
—reader Rebecca K.

48. Why don’t elephants chew gum?

They do, just not in public.

49. What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon

50. What did the banana say to the dog?

Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.

School jokes modern

School jokes modern – Not every own think that school is exciting and fun, some think it’s stupid and boring. We learn a lot about life in school, about people like yourself and gain many skills like communication, how to behave and much more than that. School does not have to be boring; it is only a small part of the journey through your life. Enjoy every second of it and have fun.

If sleep is really good for the brain, then why is it not permitted in school?
What kind of plates do they use on Venus?
Flying saucers!
If teachers are so smart, why are they still in school?

A first-grade teacher can’t believe her student isn’t hepped up about the Super Bowl. “It’s a huge event. Why aren’t you excited?”
“Because I’m not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too,” says the student.
“Well, that’s a lousy reason,” says the teacher. “What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?”
“Then I’d be a football fan.”

If school isn’t a place to sleep then home isn’t a place to study.
I wish school was as easy as half the girls in it.
“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” the teacher instructed her second-grade student.
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant,” he answered.

“Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?”
“Yes,” said the boy. “It means carrying a child.”
For Martin Luther King Day, I asked my fifth graders how they’d make the world a better place. One said, “I’d make potato skins a main dish rather than an appetizer.”
If you make a camp to help kids with ADHD, then is it a concentration camp?
I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, “I always liked you. You never had favorites. You were mean to everyone.”
That awkward moment when an emo kid goes to McDonald’s and orders a Happy Meal.
C.L.A.S.S. = Come Late And Start Sleeping
My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, and they’re like, “It wasn’t that hard.”

School jokes modern
School jokes modern

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then why shouldn’t we judge a book by its cover?
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
“How do you spell toad?” one of my first-grade students asked.
“We just read a story about a toad,” I said, then helped him spell it out: “T-O-A-D.”
Satisfied, he finished writing the story he’d begun, then read it aloud: “I toad my mama I wanted a dog for my birthday.”
M.A.T.H. = Mental Abuse to Humans
2 things you can learn in school: Texting without looking and teamwork on tests.
After a day of listening to my eighth graders exchange gossip, I decided to quote Mark Twain to them: “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

After considering my words, one of my students asked, “What does it mean to remove all doubt?”
Question on second-grade math quiz: “Tony drank 1/6 of a glass of juice. Emily drank 1/4 of a glass of juice. Emily drank more. Explain.”
My grandson’s answer: “She was more thirsty.”
Teacher: “Simon, can you say your name backwards?”
Simon: “No Mis.”

Teacher: If a chicken give you meat, a pig give you bacon, what does a fat cow give you?
Student: HOMEWORK!
S.C.H.O.O.L. = Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Life
S.C.H.O.O.L. = Sucks Children’s Happiness Out Of Life
Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together? OMg!
Teacher: What is an evangelist?
Student: Someone who plays the evangelo.

Mom: What did you learn in school?
Son: Not enough I have to go back again tomorrow.
Teacher: “Why are you talking during my lesson?”
Student: “Why are you teaching during my conversation?”
Teacher: Why can’t freshwater fish live in salt water?
Student: The salt would give them high blood pressure.
A father who is very much concerned about his son’s bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school.
After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He’s getting “A”s in math.

The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: “Why are your math grades suddenly so good?”
“You know”, the son explains, “when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!”
(1) Say “Eye”
(2) Spell the word “Map”
(3) Say “Ness”.

Repeat this 10 times, faster and faster.
Teacher: How can we keep the school clean?
Student: By staying at home.
Teacher: What is irony?
Student: “Irony is when something has the chemical symbol Fe.”

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree but also admitted it. Now, Joey, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
Joey: Because George still had the ax in his hand?
Mark: Why did the broom get a poor grade in school?
Dan: I don’t know. Why?
Mark: Because it was always sweeping during class!
A Texan was visiting Harvard University, and suddenly was lost.
He stopped a student and asked, “Do you know where the library is at?”
“I sure do,” replied the student, “But, you know, you’re not supposed to end sentences with prepositions.”

“What?”
“Prepositions. You ended your sentence with an ‘at’, which you aren’t supposed to do.”
“Oh, ok,” said the Texan, “Do you know where the library is at, asshole?”
SCHOOL: 2 + 2 = 4.
HOMEWORK: 2 + 4 + 2 = 8.
EXAM: Matthew has 4 apples, his train is 7 minutes early, calculate the sun’s mass.
Dan: Why did the M&M go to school?

Stan: Why?
Dan: Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!
Son: “My math teacher is crazy”.
Mother: “Why?”
Son: “Yesterday she told us that five is 4+1; today she is telling us that five is 3 + 2.”
George W. Bush visits Algeria.
As part of his program, he delivers a speech to the Algerian people: “You know, I regret that I have to give this speech in English. I would very much prefer to talk to you in your own language. But unfortunately, I was never good at algebra.”
A teacher asked her students to use the word “beans” in a sentence.
“My father grows beans,” said one girl.
“My mother cooks beans,” said a boy.
A third student spoke up, “We are all human beans.”

Jew jokes

I would like to apologize to all Jews if you feel offended by these jokes. I am neither a racist nor trying to provoke a bad behavior towards others. These jokes are just jokes and everyone should know that it is only for fun, and nothing serious. Now that said, I hope will like these jew jokes.

What’s the definition of a queer Jew?
Someone that likes girls more than money.

What’s the difference between a boy scout and a jew?
A boy scout comes back from his camp.

Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward?
They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

Why were gentiles invented?
Somebody has to pay retail.

What’s the best way to get a Jewish girls number?
Roll up her sleeve.

What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Jew jokes
Jew jokes

What did the Jewish peadophile say to the child?
“Wanna buy some candy?”
What do you call someone from Israel that has to sneeze?
A Jew.
Why do Jewish men have to be circumcised?
Because a Jewish women wont touch anything unless it’s 20% off.

Why do jews wear yamakas?
Half of a hat, its cheaper.

What do you call a potato that picks on Jews?
A dicTATER.

Why don’t people mug Jews on Yom Kippur?
Dey fast.

Did you hear about the Jewish troll?
His name was Rumpled Foreskin.

Why didn’t Anne Frank finish her diary?
She needed more concentration.

What is the difference between a crucifixion and a circumcision?
In a crucifixion, they throw out the whole Jew.

Why do Jews have big noses?
Because the air is free.

Why did Hitler kill himself?
He opened his gas bill.

How do you say FUCK YOU in Jewish?
“Trust me!”
How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?
He installs a parking meter on the roof.

Short jokes

Here is a long list of short jokes. These are in high demand, not because they are much funnier than jokes in other categories, but because they are incredibly easy to remember. What good is it to have heard a great joke when you can not retell it, because you forgot half of it? I hope you will enjoy this list.

Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.”
Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!”
Doctor: “Nine.”
Doctor: You’re overweight.
Patient: I think I want a second opinion.
Doctor: You’re also ugly.
I hate teachers who give homework over break. Like do you not understand what a break is? Do you want me to demonstrate on your neck?

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.
It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Old people poke me at weddings and tell me “your next”
So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
I’d like to buy a new boomerang please.
Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man.
But hell does that burn!

Short jokes
Short jokes

Most commen lies ever told:
“I didn’t do it”
“I’m fine”
“I have read and agreed to the Terms and Conditions”
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner.
The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top.
“Och, I look like a pig!”
The man nods, “And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!”
Boy: Dad, I got expelled from school.
Dad: WHAT?!?! WHY?!
Boy: A kid said “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

Dad: So?
Boy: So I threw a dictionary at him.
Dad: That’s my boy.
Pessimist: “Things just can’t get any worse!”
Optimist: “Nah, of course they can!”
Wikipedia: “I know everything”.

Google: “I have everything”.
Facebook: “I know everybody”.
Internet: “Without me you’re nothing”.
Electricity: “Keep talking, b*tches”.
A naked women robs a bank.
Nobody could remember her face.
Dear Alegbra,
Please stop asking everyone to find your x. She’s not coming back.

Why do cows wear bells?
Their horns don’t work.
Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon, Neil A. backwards is Alien.
Anyone else freaked out right now?
I change my car horn to a gunshot sound.
People move out of the way a lot faster now.
A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body…. and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
Wife: honey, can i hold henry? (their new baby)
Husband: wait until he cries.

Wife: why?
Husband: because i cant find him.

Sex jokes

Here is a list with great sex jokes. Yes they are somewhat unappropriated but very funny. Just a warning, these jokes are not for underage kids. Most of these jokes contain foul and filthy language. So parent beware of your kids who lands on this exactly page. If they like jokes, we got many other categories just for them. You can find the appropriated categories in the main menu.

So what is these sex jokes about? They are about life, love between people and funny questions by kids as you will experience. So without further ado go ahead and enjoy yourself with these filthy but funny jokes.

A boy says to a girl, “So, sex at my place?” “Yeah!” “Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we’re making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?” Later that day the girl is yelling, “Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!” The younger brother says, “Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!”
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.
So I got drunk.
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

Sex jokes
Sex jokes

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, “If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?” Johnny says, “None.” The teacher asks, “Why?” Johnny says, “Because the shot scared them all off.” The teacher says, “No, two, but I like how you’re thinking.” Johnny asks the teacher, “If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?” The teacher says, “The one sucking her ice cream.” Johnny says, “No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!”

A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does during an orgasm. “Sure!” she says, “He’s at home taking care of the kids”

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry”

Two parents take their son on a vacation to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says…”Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!” The mom says…”the bigger they are, the dumber they are.” So he goes back to play. Several minutes later, he comes running back and says…”Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy’s!” The mom says…”the bigger they are, the dumber they are.” So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says…”Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!”

Kid 1: “Hey, I bet you’re still a virgin.”
Kid 2: “Yeah, I was a virgin until last night .”
Kid 1: “As if.”
Kid 2: “Yeah, just ask your sister.”
Kid 1: “I don’t have a sister.”
Kid 2: “You will in about nine months.”

A man is telling his friend of a recent experience: “I was walking along beside the railway line” he says, “When I saw this girl tied to the tracks. Well, naturally I freed her, pulled her off the tracks and ended up having sex with her all night.” “Did you get a blow job?” asks his friend. “No!” he says, “I never did find the head.”
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!” Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”

A boy comes down stairs for breakfast and asks his grandma “Has my mom and dad come down stairs yet?” The grandma says “no” the boy giggles and goes out side to play He came back in for lunch and askd again the gramma says “no” he giggles and goes out side to play He later comes in for dinner and asks once again “Have my mom and dad come downstairs yet?” She says “no” he giggles Finnally she asks him why he keeps giggling when he asks that the boy said “Last night dad asked me for the lubricant but instead I gave him super glue”.
A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After, he asked, “What were you and daddy doing?” The mom said, “We were baking a cake.” A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, “Were you and daddy baking a cake?” She said yes, and asked him how he knew. He answered, “Because I licked the frosting off the couch.”

A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, “What were you and Dad doing?” The mother replies, “Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it.” “You’re wasting your time,” said the boy. “Why is that?” asked his mom, puzzled. “Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.”

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?” “Okay,” I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa… naked.

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, “Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work.” The boss says, “You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try.” Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: “Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house.”

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, “I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best.” “I don’t think I have ever heard of that one,” says the other cowboy. “What is it?” “Well, it’s where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her tits, and whisper in her ear, ‘boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.’ Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds.”

An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. “How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather tentatively. “I would like it infrequently “, she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, “Is that one word or two?”

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, “Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!” Maria replied, “See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!”