School jokes – Not every own think that school is exciting and fun, some think it’s stupid and boring. We learn a lot about life in school, about people like yourself and gain many skills like communication, how to behave and much more than that. School does not have to be boring; it is only a small part of the journey through your life. Enjoy every second of it and have fun.
If sleep is really good for the brain, then why is it not permitted in school?
What kind of plates do they use on Venus?
If teachers are so smart, why are they still in school?
A first-grade teacher can’t believe her student isn’t hepped up about the Super Bowl. “It’s a huge event. Why aren’t you excited?”
“Because I’m not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too,” says the student.
“Well, that’s a lousy reason,” says the teacher. “What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?”
“Then I’d be a football fan.”
If school isn’t a place to sleep then home isn’t a place to study.
I wish school was as easy as half the girls in it.
“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” the teacher instructed her second-grade student.
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant,” he answered.
“Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?”
“Yes,” said the boy. “It means carrying a child.”
For Martin Luther King Day, I asked my fifth graders how they’d make the world a better place. One said, “I’d make potato skins a main dish rather than an appetizer.”
If you make a camp to help kids with ADHD, then is it a concentration camp?
I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, “I always liked you. You never had favorites. You were mean to everyone.”
That awkward moment when an emo kid goes to McDonald’s and orders a Happy Meal.
C.L.A.S.S. = Come Late And Start Sleeping
My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, and they’re like, “It wasn’t that hard.”
If a picture is worth a thousand words, then why shouldn’t we judge a book by its cover?
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
“How do you spell toad?” one of my first-grade students asked.
“We just read a story about a toad,” I said, then helped him spell it out: “T-O-A-D.”
Satisfied, he finished writing the story he’d begun, then read it aloud: “I toad my mama I wanted a dog for my birthday.”
M.A.T.H. = Mental Abuse to Humans
2 things you can learn in school: Texting without looking and teamwork on tests.
After a day of listening to my eighth graders exchange gossip, I decided to quote Mark Twain to them: “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
After considering my words, one of my students asked, “What does it mean to remove all doubt?”
Question on second-grade math quiz: “Tony drank 1/6 of a glass of juice. Emily drank 1/4 of a glass of juice. Emily drank more. Explain.”
My grandson’s answer: “She was more thirsty.”
Teacher: “Simon, can you say your name backwards?”
Simon: “No Mis.”
Teacher: If a chicken give you meat, a pig give you bacon, what does a fat cow give you?
S.C.H.O.O.L. = Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Life
S.C.H.O.O.L. = Sucks Children’s Happiness Out Of Life
Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together? OMg!
Teacher: What is an evangelist?
Student: Someone who plays the evangelo.
Mom: What did you learn in school?
Son: Not enough I have to go back again tomorrow.
Teacher: “Why are you talking during my lesson?”
Student: “Why are you teaching during my conversation?”
Teacher: Why can’t freshwater fish live in salt water?
Student: The salt would give them high blood pressure.
A father who is very much concerned about his son’s bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school.
After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He’s getting “A”s in math.
The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: “Why are your math grades suddenly so good?”
“You know”, the son explains, “when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!”
(1) Say “Eye”
(2) Spell the word “Map”
(3) Say “Ness”.
Repeat this 10 times, faster and faster.
Teacher: How can we keep the school clean?
Student: By staying at home.
Teacher: What is irony?
Student: “Irony is when something has the chemical symbol Fe.”
Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree but also admitted it. Now, Joey, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
Joey: Because George still had the ax in his hand?
Mark: Why did the broom get a poor grade in school?
Dan: I don’t know. Why?
Mark: Because it was always sweeping during class!
A Texan was visiting Harvard University, and suddenly was lost.
He stopped a student and asked, “Do you know where the library is at?”
“I sure do,” replied the student, “But, you know, you’re not supposed to end sentences with prepositions.”
“Prepositions. You ended your sentence with an ‘at’, which you aren’t supposed to do.”
“Oh, ok,” said the Texan, “Do you know where the library is at, asshole?”
SCHOOL: 2 + 2 = 4.
HOMEWORK: 2 + 4 + 2 = 8.
EXAM: Matthew has 4 apples, his train is 7 minutes early, calculate the sun’s mass.
Dan: Why did the M&M go to school?
Dan: Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!
Son: “My math teacher is crazy”.
Son: “Yesterday she told us that five is 4+1; today she is telling us that five is 3 + 2.”
George W. Bush visits Algeria.
As part of his program, he delivers a speech to the Algerian people: “You know, I regret that I have to give this speech in English. I would very much prefer to talk to you in your own language. But unfortunately, I was never good at algebra.”
A teacher asked her students to use the word “beans” in a sentence.
“My father grows beans,” said one girl.
“My mother cooks beans,” said a boy.
A third student spoke up, “We are all human beans.”