Here is a long list of short jokes. These are in high demand, not because they are much funnier than jokes in other categories, but because they are incredibly easy to remember. What good is it to have heard a great joke when you can not retell it, because you forgot half of it? I hope you will enjoy this list.
Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.”
Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!”
Doctor: You’re overweight.
Patient: I think I want a second opinion.
Doctor: You’re also ugly.
I hate teachers who give homework over break. Like do you not understand what a break is? Do you want me to demonstrate on your neck?
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.
It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Old people poke me at weddings and tell me “your next”
So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
I’d like to buy a new boomerang please.
Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man.
But hell does that burn!
Most commen lies ever told:
“I didn’t do it”
“I have read and agreed to the Terms and Conditions”
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner.
The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top.
“Och, I look like a pig!”
The man nods, “And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!”
Boy: Dad, I got expelled from school.
Dad: WHAT?!?! WHY?!
Boy: A kid said “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”
Boy: So I threw a dictionary at him.
Dad: That’s my boy.
Pessimist: “Things just can’t get any worse!”
Optimist: “Nah, of course they can!”
Wikipedia: “I know everything”.
Google: “I have everything”.
Facebook: “I know everybody”.
Internet: “Without me you’re nothing”.
Electricity: “Keep talking, b*tches”.
A naked women robs a bank.
Nobody could remember her face.
Please stop asking everyone to find your x. She’s not coming back.
Why do cows wear bells?
Their horns don’t work.
Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon, Neil A. backwards is Alien.
Anyone else freaked out right now?
I change my car horn to a gunshot sound.
People move out of the way a lot faster now.
A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body…. and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
Wife: honey, can i hold henry? (their new baby)
Husband: wait until he cries.
Husband: because i cant find him.