The Funniest Quotes About Cat

Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience. -Pam Brown In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this. -Terry Pratchett funny-cat-owner-quote You can see more Best quotes ever

The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer. -Paula Poundstone There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person. -Dan Greenberg A cat is an example of sophistication minus civilization. -Anonymous Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later. -Mary Bly No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch. -Leo Dworken Dogs have owners, cats have staff. -Unknown After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference. -Charlotte Gray I’m a cat whisperer. When I go to people’s houses, their cats always like me better than the owners. -Cory Monteith A cat determined not to be found can fold itself up like a pocket handkerchief if it wants to. -Louis J. Camuti Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. –Robert A. Heinlein She clawed her way into my heart and wouldn’t let go. -Missy Altijd When I play with my cat, how do I know that she is not passing time with me rather than I with her? -Montaigne The trouble with sharing one’s bed with cats is that they’d rather sleep on you than beside you. -Pam Brown You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals. -George Mikes

Funny Quotes ABout Travel That Make You Smile

Funny Quotes ABout Travel That Make You Smile – sayings about life 1. “When you come to a fork in the road….take it” – Yogi Berra 2. “Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.” – George Carlin 3. “If you’ve seen one redwood tree, you’ve seen them all.” – Ronald Reagan 4. “I’ve been to Paris. And it ain’t that pretty at all.” – Warren Zevon, from the song Ain’t That Pretty At All 5. “Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversations.” — Elizabeth Drew traveling-quotes-happiness-life-quote-pictures-pics-sayings-images-600x600

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6. “Another well-known Paris landmark is the Arc de Triomphe, a moving monument to the many brave women and men who have died trying to visit it.” – Dave Barry 7. “The major advantage of domestic travel is that, with a few exceptions such as Miami, most domestic locations are conveniently situated right here in the United States.” – Dave Barry 8. “Thanks to the interstate highway system, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.” – Charles Kuralt 9. “The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.” – Russell Baker 10. “You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.” – Charles Kuralt 11. “You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.” – Yogi Berra 12. “Do not insult the mother alligator until after you have crossed the river.” – Old Haitian Proverb 13. “Canada is the vichyssoise of nations – it’s cold, half French and difficult to stir.” – Stuart Keate 14. “On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.” – Lewis Grizzard 15. “Gaiety is among the most outstanding features of the Soviet Union.” – Joseph Stalin 16. “San Francisco is like granola. Take away all the fruits and the nuts and all you have left are the flakes.” – Unknown 17. “France is the only country where the money falls apart and you can’t tear the toilet paper.” – Billy Wilder 18. “Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.” – Steve Martin 19. “Climbing K2 or floating the Grand Canyon in an inner tube. There are some things one would rather have done than do.” – Edward Abbey Always look out for the hostage Buddha / Photo: antwerpenR 20. “There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. And then there is California.” – Edward Abbey 21. “If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill 22. “I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places”. – Henny Youngman 23. “Two great talkers will not travel far together.” – Spanish Proverb 24. “Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.” – Yogi Berra 25. “I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad.” – George Bernard Shaw 26. “I had a prejudice against the British until I discovered that fifty percent of them were female.” – Raymond Floyd 27. “Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.” – Unknown 28. “When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money”. – Unknown 29. “Knock Knock! Who’s there? Tibet! Tibet who? Early Tibet and early to rise!” – Aha Jokes 30. “Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” – Mark Twain

Funny Relationships Quotes

Funny Love & Relationships QuotesWomen have all the power because women have all the vaginas. — Dave Attell Yeah, relationships are pretty cool, but have you ever heard of pizza? — Unknown funny-relationship-quotes-1 See more other loving quotes for her

The key to a successful relationship is to clear your Internet history. — Unknown My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays. — Unknown There should be a relationship status called, ‘currently creeping’. — Unknown I have a very strange relationship in general with women around my music. There’s some that understand it and some that think there should be a law against it. — Nick Cave A relationship isn’t going to make me survive. It’s the cherry on top. — Jennifer Aniston Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. — Richard Jeni What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. — Cindy Gardner Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. — Sharon Stone My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. — Emo Philips Save a boyfriend for a rainy day — and another, in case it doesn’t rain. — Mae West It’s better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week. — Laurence J. Peter When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. — Albert Einstein I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? — Zsa Zsa Gabor Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. — Albert Einstein Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with? — Rita Rudner Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill, but not doing it because you’d miss them. — Unknown

50 Famous Quotes About Dogs – Funny Animal Quotes

Dogs are commonly referred to as “man’s best friend,” and 50 famous people also had choice and lasting words for our four-legged colleagues. “You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’” —Dave Barry (author, Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway: A Vicious and Unprovoked Attack on Our Most Cherished Political Institutions.

Funny Dog Quotes
Funny Dog Quotes

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The Most Famous Quotes About Friendship Work Together–Guys Jokes, Disgusting Dirty Jokes For Adults “A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley ____________________________________________ “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” —Josh Billings   “Hounds follow those who feed them.” ―Otto von Bismarck ____________________________________________ “Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” —Roger Caras ____________________________________________ “Every dog has his day, unless he loses his tail, then he has a weak-end.” —June Carter Cash ____________________________________________ “Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more.” —Agatha Christie ____________________________________________ “The world would be a nicer place if everyone had the ability to love as unconditionally as a dog.” ―M.K. Clinton ____________________________________________ “The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” —Charles de Gaulle ____________________________________________ “The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.” —Johnny Depp ____________________________________________ “Dogs are better than human beings because they know but do not tell.” —Emily Dickinson ____________________________________________ “What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight; it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” —Dwight D. Eisenhower ____________________________________________ “Why does watching a dog be a dog fill one with happiness?” —Jonathan Safran Foer ____________________________________________ “There are three faithful friends: an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.” —Benjamin Franklin ____________________________________________ “Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.” —Sigmund Freud ____________________________________________ “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” —Robert A. Heinlein ____________________________________________ “When an eighty-five pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.” ―Kristan Higgins ____________________________________________ “To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.” —Aldous Huxley (author, Brave New World ____________________________________________ “There are times when even the best manager is like the little boy with the big dog — waiting to see where the dog wants to go so he can take him there.” —Lee Iacocca (former president and CEO of Chrysler) ____________________________________________ “Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.” —Franklin P. Jones (humorist and PR executive) ____________________________________________ “A dog can’t think that much about what he’s doing, he just does what feels right.” ―Barbara Kingsolver (author, Animal Dreams: A Novel ____________________________________________ “When the Man waked up he said, ‘What is Wild Dog doing here?’ And the Woman said, ‘His name is not Wild Dog any more, but the First Friend, because he will be our friend for always and always and always.’” —Rudyard Kipling (author, The Jungle Book ____________________________________________ “Once you have had a wonderful dog, a life without one, is a life diminished.” —Dean Koontz ____________________________________________ “Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” —Ann Landers ____________________________________________ “I care not for a man’s religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.” —Abraham Lincoln ____________________________________________ “A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog.” —Jack London ____________________________________________ “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” —Groucho Marx ____________________________________________ “Dogs don’t rationalize. They don’t hold anything against a person. They don’t see the outside of a human but the inside of a human.” —Cesar Millan ____________________________________________ “Dogs never bite me. Just humans.” —Marilyn Monroe ____________________________________________ “No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.” —Christopher Morley ____________________________________________ “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.” —Phil Pastoret ____________________________________________ “I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me, they are the role model for being alive.” —Gilda Radner ____________________________________________ “If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” —Will Rogers ____________________________________________ “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” —Andy Rooney ____________________________________________ “I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” —Rita Rudner ____________________________________________ “Happiness is a warm puppy.” —Charles M. Schulz ____________________________________________ “If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.” —George Bernard Shaw ____________________________________________ “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.” —John Steinbeck ____________________________________________ “You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.” —Robert Louis Stevenson ____________________________________________ “Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way.” —Quentin Tarantino ____________________________________________ “Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.” —Elizabeth Taylor ____________________________________________ “If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.” —James Thurber  

Funny Animal Quotes – Laught Everyday

Cats, dogs, and most animals have a magical way of being funny and cute without even trying. If you’re an animal lover you will love these.

t-aliens-see-picking-dog-poop

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

t-animal-lion-is-afraid-of-in-jungle

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A zooology teacher asks the class ‘What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?’ The class answers: a lioness.

t-dream-of-better-tomorrow

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

t-get-a-dog

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog

t-hold-cat-by-tail-learn-things

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. – Mark Twain

t-never-stand-between-dog-and-fire-hydrant

Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant

t-shark-man-overboard

What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? “Man Overboard!”

t-sharks-are-not-so-bad (1)

Sharks are not so bad… If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I’d probably get angry too.

t-stop-sheep-following

The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.

t-trust-dog-sandwich

You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.

t-two-fleas-are-coming-out-of-baar

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other ‘Do we take a dog or do we walk home?’

The Most Famous Quotes About Friendship

It’s been a while since I’ve done a ‘famous quotes‘ compilation so I culled through hundreds of quotes on ‘friendship’ last night, and these wee the fifteen that resonated most. I then overlaid the quote onto a picture because what would a Sifter post without images be? If you have any personal favourites to add, let me know in the comments! “The only way to have a friend is to be one”

Famous Friends Quotes
Good Quotes

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“True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable” “Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything”

Famous quotes Quotes
Famous quotes Quotes
“There’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just met” “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for” “Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation”
Famous quotes about friends
Famous quotes about friends
“I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better” “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them” “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What!” You Too? I thought I was the only one.” “Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life” “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages” Famous friendship quotes

Famous friendship quotes

“Be true to your work, your word, and your friends” “It’s the friends that you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter” “Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends” “There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate”

Funny Quotes About Friends For All Your Crazy Friends

What could be better than having your best friend standing on your side always? Some people become just friends, other becomes good friends and then we have best friends. Best friends are the ones with whom we go very well, we can share the craziest of thing, look ugly and keep calling each other with the most embarrassing and weird names. Best friend are not the perfect people, actually they are not even close. But, they are the ones within whom we find ourselves in them and have more or less similar likes and dislikes. This crazy friends are the one that makes our life happening. We act crazy with them and are completely free to do anything and no wonder we find them funny too. Here in this article we have listed awesome funny best friend quotes to let your bff know how much you mean to them and without them your life would be so dull and you can’t afford to lose them in any case.

Funny Quotes About Friends
Funny Quotes About Friends (sweet loving quotes)
List of Funny Best friend quotes: 1. “Some people only get called by their nicknames. Usually it sounds weird to even say their real name.” 2. “You’re just jealous because we act retarded in public but people still love us!” 3. “Everyone has a friend who laughs funnier than he jokes.” 4. “We all have that one friend, how needs to learn how to Whisper” 5. “I love my crazy, goofy, stupid, gorgeous, weird, lame, socially challenged friends.” 6. “You’re the friend I’d feel the worst about killing in a post apocalyptic death match for food.” 7. “A friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself.” 8. “If you have crazy friends, you have everything.” 9. “Best friends are the ones who hate the same stuff.” 10. “True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people together” 11. “No matter how serious life gets you still going to have that one person you can be completely stupid with.” 12. “It’s nice to have someone in your life, who can make you smile even when they are not around” 13. “Nothing makes you happier than your friend’s failure.” 14. “Friendship is, hiding their stuff and watching them go nuts.” 15. “The antidote of fifty enemies is one friend” – Aristotle 16. “If you have friend as weird as you, you have everything” 17. “The language of friendship is not words, but meanings” – David Henry Thoreau 18. “Best Friend: One million memories, ten thousand inside jokes, one hundred shared secrets” 19. “Friendship is the key to everything.” 20. “I used to be normal until I met those losers I call my BEST FRIENDS!!!!” 21. You can’t describe your best friends in words. You can describe them with memories that you had with them.” 22. “You and I are more than friends. We’re like a really small gang.” 23. “Best friends are people who will make your problem their problems, just so you don’t have to go through them alone.” 24. “Never let your friends feel lonely, disturb them all the time” 25. “A true friend never gets in your way, unless you happen to be going down” – Arnold H. Glasow 26. “Me and my best friends can communicate just with…. Face expression” I bet, you enjoyed reading these funny best friend quotes and made you reminded of all the legendary memories you had experienced with your best friends, bringing a smile on your face. Life is too short, live it too fullest with your friends, family and love. Make every moment count and keep smiling. Don’t forget to share this article with your friends and let them know what they mean to you!

Top 10 Funny Quotes about Life

1. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car. BOB MONKHOUSE 2. I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ELAYNE BOOSLER 3. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. OSCAR WILDE 4. The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. MARK RUSSELL 5. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. ROBERT BLOCH 6. First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. STEVE MARTIN 7. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. LANA TURNER 8. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell “BINGO!” ANONYMOUS 9. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. DAVE BARRY 10. Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. ANONYMOUS