Running Jokes That Are Really Funny

Running Jokes

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Q: How do crazy runners go through the forest?

A: They take the psycho path.

Q: Why was the blonde jogging backwards?

A: She wanted to gain weight!

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?

A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!

Q: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers?

A: A virgin.

Q: How do you know when you’ve married a running enthusiast?

A: When you have more running clothes than regular clothes in your laundry pile.

Q: Who is the fastest runner of all time?

A: Adam, because he came first in the human race!

Q: If twenty monkeys run after one banana, what time is it?

A: Twenty after one!

Q: What do you get when you run in front of a car?

A: TIRED

Q: What do you call a free treadmill?

A: Outside.

Q: What do you get when you run behind a car?

A: EXHAUSTED

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

A: Run! She’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have a competitive Olympic team?

A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the United States

Q: Why did the chicken run across the road?

A: There was a car coming.

Q: Why can’t you let a jogger be a potential juror?

A: Because you’ll have a runaway jury.

Q. What’s the difference between the Arizona Cardinals & the Taliban?

A. The Taliban has a running game.

Q: Why do dogs run in circles?

A: Because its hard to run in squares!

Funny Fall Jokes In The World

Fall Jokes

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What did the tree say to autumn?

leaf me alone.

What did one autumn leaf say to another?

I’m falling for you.

Why did summer catch autumn?

Because autumn is fall.

Why do the Boston Red Sox fans love autumn?

Because watching the leaves fall reminds them of the (Yankees).

How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch Why are trees very forgiving?

Because in the Fall they “Let It Go” and in the Spring they “turn over a new leaf”.

What falls in autumn?

Leaves!

What is the cutest season?

Awwtumn.

What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

What do you call a large colorful pile of leaves?

The Great Barrier Leaf.

Did you hear about the tree that had to take time off of work in autumn?

It was on paid leaf.

What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking?

A pumpkin patch!

How do leaves get from place to place?

With autumn-mobiles.

How does an Elephant get out of a tree?

Sits on a leaf and waits till Autumn!

What did a tree fighting with autumn say?

That’s it, i’m leaving.

What will fall on the lawn first?

An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalogue?

What do you call a tree that doubts autumn?

Disbe-leaf.

What is a tree’s least favorite month?

Sep-timber!

Cycling Jokes That Make You Laugh

Cycling Jokes

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Q: What do you get if you cross a bike and a flower?

A: Bicycle petals!

Q: Why can’t a bicycle stand up on its own?

A: Because it’s too tired!

Q: What do you call a bicycle built by a chemist?

A: Bike-carbonate of soda!

Q: Why couldn’t Cinderella win the bicycle race?

A: She has a pumpkin for a coach!

Q: What’s the hardest thing about winning the Tour De France?

A: Telling your parents that your gay!

Q: What do you call a professional cyclist who just broke up with his girlfriend?

A: Homeless

Q: Do you know what is the hardest part of learning to ride a bike?

A: The pavement.

Q: What do you call an artist who sculpts with bicycle parts?

A: Cycleangelo

Q: Why are bank tellers not allowed to ride bicycles?

A: They tend to lose their balance.

Q: Did you hear about the lunatic who won the Tour De France in one day?

A: He took the psycho-path.

Q: What does a bicycle call its dad?

A: Pop-cycle

Q: What did the little boy take his bicycle to bed with him?

A: Because he didn’t want to walk in his sleep.

Q: How did the barber win the bike race?

A: He took a short cut.

Q: Why can’t an elephant ride a bicycle?

A: Because he doesn’t have a thumb to ring the bell.

Q: “What do you call a crazy pavement?

A: A cycle path.

Q: Why can’t you take a nap during the Tour de France?

A: Because if you snooze, you loose!

Q: What do you call a bicycle with a bed on top?

A: bedridden

Q: Why do bicycles fall asleep?

A: Because they’re tired.

Q: When is a bicycle not a bicycle?

A: When it turns into a driveway.

Q: What is a ghost-proof bicycle?

A: One with no spooks in it.

Q: Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?

A: You can do it by yourself, but it’s usually not as much fun.

Yo Mama So Flat Jokes Funny

Yo Mama So Flat Jokes

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Yo mama so flat she’s jealous of the wall!

Yo mama so flat she’s jealous of a book!

Yo mama so flat she’s jealous of a piece of paper!

yo momma is like a brick flat on both sides and gets laid by Mexicans

Yo mama is like a carpenter’s dream “flat as a board and easy to nail.”

Yo mama’s so flat, people ask if she’s from the second dimension.

Yo mama’s so flat, high school teens use her as a gymnastics mat.

Yo mama so flat, she gets jealous when your dad turns a door knob.

yo mama booty so flat it look like sheetrock

Yo mama so flat the great plains got jealous

Yo mama is so flat that if you folded her, she could be a paper airplane

yo momma so flat she is jealous of my computer screen

Yo mama so flat, I wiped my feet on what I thought was a rug then she said,”Get your crappy shoes off me! Your grounded!”

Yo mama so flat she called the doctor and asked if she had a sex change and forgot.

Yo mamma so flat you can see her heartbeat while you read her sarcastic t-shirt.

Yo mama so flat and old she holds the distinction of being the first person to be called a “flatmate”.

Men Jokes For Adults That Are Really Funny

Men Jokes

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Q: What’s the difference between a man and a condom?

A: Condoms have changed. They’re no longer thick and insensitive!

Q: What’s the most common sleeping position of a man?

A: Around.

Q: What does a penis and an ego have in common?

A: All men have one!

Q: What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight?

A: A power failure.

Q: Three words to ruin a man’s ego…

A: “Is it in?” What is the difference between a man and a vulture?

A vulture waits until you’re dead before ripping your heart out.

Q: How can you tell if your man is happy?

A: Who cares?

Q: How many knees do men really have?

A: 3…. right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.

Q: When would you want a man’s company?

A: When he owns it.

Q: What do you give a man with everything?

A: Penicillin.

Q: Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?

A: Because if they all went, it would be called hell.

Q: What do you call a Guy who Masterbates more than twice a day?

A: A Terrorwrist

Q: What do you call a man with an opinion?

A: Wrong.

Q: Why don’t women blink during sex?

A: There isn’t enough time.

Q: What should you give a man who has everything?

A: A woman to show him how to work it.

Q: Why do so few men end up in Heaven?

A: They never stop to ask directions

Q: How are husbands like lawn mowers?

A: They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious fumes, and half the time they don’t work.

Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

A: Four guys watching a football game.

Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?

A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q: How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?

A: Make him wear shoes.

Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A: It’s not hard.

Q: Why are men sexier than women?

A: You can’t spell sexy without xy.

Funny Math Jokes That Are Really Funny

Math Jokes 

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Q: Why do they never serve beer at a math party?

A: Because you can’t drink and derive…

Q: Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?

A: Because it had more cents.

Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

A: He worked it out with a pencil.

Q: How many molecules in a bowl of guacamole?

A: Avacado’s Number

Q: What happened to the plant in math class?

A: It grew square roots.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

A: To get to the same side.

Q: How do you make seven an even number?

A: Take the s out!

Q: Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?

A: Because she sprained her angle!!

Q: Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

A: It’s two gross.

Q: Why couldn’t the moebius strip enroll at the school?

A: They required an orientation.

Q: What does a mathematician do about constipation?

A: He works it out with a pencil.

Q: Why is a math book always unhappy?

A: Because it always has lots of problems.

Q: Why don’t you do arithmetic in the jungle?

A: Because if you add 4+4 you get ate!

Q: Why did I divide sin by tan?

A: Just cos.

Q: Where do math teachers go on vacation?

A: To Times Square.

Q: What do you call friends who love math?

A: algebros

Q: What do you call a number that can’t keep still?

A: A roamin’ numeral.

Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?

A: Because 7 8 9

Q: What did the mathematician say when he finished his christmas dinner?

A: root -1/ root 64 (I over 8)

Q: What does the zero say to the the eight?

A: Nice belt!

History Jokes For Kids That Make You Laugh

History Jokes

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What is a snakes favorite subject in school?

Hissssstory

What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act?

They licked the British.

What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?

Plymouth Rock

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims

How does Moses make his tea?

Hebrews it.

What was King Arthur’s favourite game?

Knights and crosses !

What was Camelot ?

A place where people parked their camels!

What do history teachers make when they want to get together?

Dates!

What do history teachers talk about on dates?

The good old days!

What do you call a detective from the reformation?

Martin Sleuther.

Who was the biggest thief in history?

Atlas. He held up the whole world!

Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?

He wanted to Mark Antony!

Why did Eve want to move to New York?

She fell for the Big Apple !

What did Noah do for a job?

He was an arkitecht!

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?

Yeah, it cracked me up too!

Why does history keep repeating itself?

Because we weren’t listening the first time!